emotional swing

for many reasons, i wish i was closer to the class.

i dont want to take the A’s next year knowing that it’s a battle with only a f ew close ones. fuck it. why must i retain.

motivation.

it’s been a hectic start to the week.

planning for F’s birthday and the sudden death of Farid’s father.(my condelences to you and your family) besides all that, being weighed down by thinking about too many stuff as usual. life sucks.

i want to study overseas so bad. ): need some real good motivation to study hard for SATs. most of the J2s are done with A levels, yay.

i miss talking to K.

so very tired.

PLS REMEMBER TO STUDY FUCKING HARD FOR SATS.

a really, really heavy heart.

between registering for SATs, hanging out with a group of ppl who talk about nothing but books, tv shows and weird music, reading through the syllabus for next year, coping with the lost of a best friend.

i feel like giving up.

it feels so easy to feel lonelyin a crowded room.

today was just one of those days, i realise nothing in my life is real anymore. i wonder if what i’m doing will serve me a greater purpose in life.

no specific reason for locking the blog. i just wanted this space to be a bit more personal. somehow amongst all this mess, i need that space to be real and down to earth.

i miss 2007 crazy, i hated last year, this year is just a fucking bore.

2010, pls be nicer.
2011, i hope you’ll be one heck of a year.
2012, i hope the world wont end yet.

Guess who’s back?

i’ve had a good time the last weekend and then there’s school for these 2 weeks. the school is screwed up but yeahh, who fucking cares?

loads of things to do now even though the holidays are fast approaching.

i cant compose anything now. my minds in a mess and i really miss my old friends. back in Swiss, back in JJC, yeahh. those friends.

but then again? who cares.

bye.

I want to be a…

journalist.

then i can attend prestigious summits like APEC. then, i can meet groundbreakers/movers like Barack Obama.

i want to camp outside Suntec to meet the man. but i’m working, sadly.

7 days/nights of thunder

met S after work ytd. finally got to see her after so long. it feels good. (:

K’s flying off to the Land of a Thousand Smiles today. stop worrying about the flight and i hope you’ll really enjoy it there. pray for the best. (:

3 more days to the end of work attachment.
7 more days till you come back.
2 more weeks till school holidays officially begin.

i can’t wait.

to all my friends taking the A levels this year, all the best. my greatest regret if i did have one this year was the fact that i couldn’t sit for the paper with my friends. but i’m with you guys every step of the way and my prayers with you always.

btw, i miss last year. the new friends i found especially. sigh.

alright, off for dinner and sleep, ciao.

Sunday’s with Jannah.

photos from the past 2 sundays. likewise, today jannah and i spent another sunday together albeit it being a short one. went to the West for goooood, Korean food. then we went trooping to the north to just chill and then Jans headed for work.

anyway, there’s only a few things i’d like to say about this girl. thanks for being a friend whom i can count on for a “30%-discount-at-Borders”, someone who will always ask the bill for me when having dinner, a friend who always has the camera to document days of my life and above all, for being the one person i can really really count on especially during these past few days with everything going on. 

i’m looking forward to December, certainly a month i would surely want to look forward to this year. and of course, for next yr to come and then for A Level’s to end.

alright, cheers to more Sundays with Hearts!
xoxo.

laugh about all that we’ve lost

i can’t wait for the coming week to end and then i’ll be done with work. i can’t wait to go back to school cos i swear right now, i don’t want to be anywhere but within the comfort of my friends. i’ve got not much to update really just a few of my thoughts so you can skip it all.

everyone said that it would be easy and that you wanted to go back to what we used to have. you promised and you said so many words like you always do just to make it all right. to me, if things were to remain this way, i dont see how we can ever be as close as before ever again. you’ve changed so much that when the others try to say it’ll be alright, i know deep inside that you are just not what you are anymore. idk how things got way out of control. i know i am to blame for some things that happen along the way but i’m tired.

because in this moment, i start to think whether it’s all worth it. 

as cheesy as all these may sound…
i want(need) a friend who gets excited about the things that i do, feels the pain and pulls me through my darkest moments, calls/replies me at every single opportunity cos you want to feel the same way as i am in that second. so much i could say but i just can’t figure out the words to put it across. how do you ever describe a being?

ytd was appalling. i truly felt alone. what’s the point of getting excited over something when you have no one to share it with or rather no one was willing to share that moment with you.

i guess there comes a point in your life where you give up on everything, even your friends, and just figure out that life is harsh in that way. it breaks you, it crushes you and then it just leaves you feeling all dry, empty and hollow.

i’m sorry but i cannot help it anymore. it’s like i don’t even have anyone at all to turn to.

goodnight world.

1st of every month.

It’s not a silly little moment,
It’s not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we’ve been working on.

Can’t seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody’s gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We’re going down,
And you can see it too.
We’re going down,
And you know that we’re doomed.
My dear,
We’re slow dancing in a burning room.

i’ve been dreaming of you for the past 3 days and it is very haunting to have to remember a past i’ve tried so hard to forget. it’s like an uninvited guest. it pains me so much, it hurts too much when i wake up. it’s not only about the fact that it feels like a wound reopen, but it is painful and exhausting to try so hard to remember the face, the touch and the thoughts that those dreams bring. idk what to do at this point. it’s been more than 2 years, and i just want you back. its so hard to move on and to try to decipher what happened and what could have been. i miss you but there’s only so much i can do. i pray that somehow our paths will cross and there and then it’ll just be till forever. i pray to not forget your face but the strength to remember it and keep it safe in the memory till i die.

but then again, what will i not do to have those dreams in repeat just so i can continue experiencing your presence.

till we meet again.

life in lists

1. work finally became taxing.
2. scary when you see the true colors of some ppl.
3. good ol’ dinner @ BPP.
4. shock of the day/month/year/life on the way home, in the bus. (!!!!!)
5. recurring dreams for the past 3 nights. ):
6. Liverpool lost. (What’s new?) RAWR.
7. officially broke.
8. “hey, how are you?”
9. it rains all the time in the west.
10. i aspire to be like Bubble Tea Man.

good night all. i’ll try to update on my past weekends/escapade soon. bye!