MOVED.

been switching back and forth for a year now but I’m finally choosing one to settle, so here goes nothing:

http://keepmealive.posterous.com

see you there,
xoxo

deck the halls

Just a year ago, I was sitting in this very place and I rmb feeling very empty and lonely.

A year on, this place is still lovely. Am I still lonely? Certainly. But it is not that empty. I feel like I’m more loved and that I certainly feel good about the year ahead.

But a little part of me can’t for the life me decipher how I feel. It’s like it’s refusing to believe and is distracted with everything. Sigh.

This place is still pretty. Maybe it should be a tradition.

Bye.

1

One more day to the end of all things SA.

(:

& know the stars are holding you.

Just one of those nights where I terribly miss the past.

a fleeting memory or two that reminds me of you. Trying hard to remember a period, a time or a phase.

I need a time machine.

Ssh girl, shut your lips.

I think not having Twitter is pretty darn good thing. I feel so much more secure and at ease. I don’t just write a 140 character statement in a fit of anger and hence, no damage is done.

I must be a patient and strong girl.

Keep the flame burning brightly ever.

I’ve looked forward to this day in so many ways but now that the day is here, my emotions are kinda mixed. 3 years have gone by that fast. I remember how reluctant I was in joining SA but deep within me, something told me to stay. Many would have heard me whine and grind about how I regret my experience here but as I look back, I can’t help but think how much SA has matured me into a whole new different person. Whether it’s for the better I don’t know yet but certainly it was God’s way of telling me that I’m indeed destined to do greater things and that I believe in that path so much now that nothing can possibly take my mind away from the prize.

To the (not) many teachers who have made the journey a little more pleasant, to the classmates that have been there, to the friends and the bonds forged, I think I am lucky to be given this opportunity. It certainly hasn’t been the easiest paths what with retaining, a different social culture, cock up school system but hey, I’m here today to say that I did it. I beat the system to emerge a better person.

I look forward to stepping into the school in a few months and to only step out with nothing but smiles with my friends doing the same by my side.

No one is here by chance, it certainly is true.

With 25 more days away to that first glimpse of future, I pray for nothing but perseverance and that God grants all of us the tenacity to do great things with what little time we have. We have come so far and that certainly is a testimony of how much we can achieve.

All the best fellow Saints.

Let the flames begin.

Exactly 1 month from now, I’ll be sitting for my first ever A Level paper.

See you when it’s over.

Break every rule cos there’s nothing between you and your dreams.

In so many ways, seeing that grade on my paper was really gut wrenching. The hurt and disappointment I feel does not even amount to the feelings I had when I failed Promos. Sure, it wasn’t a fail grade but it was below my expectations. Let this be a lesson. To never be complacent, to never let others get in your way, to realize that you’re in power to change. As cliche as all this sounds, I’ve never felt so disappointed with myself and that let this be a lesson learnt.

There are no boundaries.

They lied when they told you to dream big.

Because when I finally did, you realize that this world does not consist of only yourself but others. These “others” can just as easily shoot those dreams down. Sometimes I can’t comprehend how the world is so unfair like that.

I despise you for not even trying to offer me help. I despise the fact that I’m constrained by not the financial issue but the fact that you never did encourage me to pursue it. Everything was about how I had to do things on my own. Isn’t it enough that I’m burdened by my academics.

Yknow what. Somewhere inside me, those dreams died today. But as I bury these dreams, I vow to work hard and to strike it out on my own. And when I’ve a child to call my own, I will provide her/him with only the best.
Today I learn a very important lesson. That it takes guts to pursue a dream not because of the challenges that await but because the world is unfair that way. You don’t always get what you want. So as easy as it is to dream big, remember that it is just as easy for someone to shoot ’em down.

I guess it ends here. Days of dreaming, of researching for a better prospective future ends here. Now that that’s out of the way, there’s only one way to prove my worth and that is to focus on the one important thing in my life right now.

With much love (and regrets),
H

Knight in shining armour

A large part of me want things to remain where it was last night.